Monthly Archives: November 2016

5 Incredible Moments in Globetrotter History


(originally appeared in the Milwaukee edition of The Onion’s AV Club section, 2011)

The Harlem Globetrotters have been entertaining audiences with their skillful basketball antics (set to the whistling tune of “Sweet Georgia Brown”) for over 80 years. They’ve dominated their long-suffering rivals, the Washington Generals, over and over. Multiple exhibition teams travel and often play more than 365 games annually around the world. Along the way they’ve sometimes jumped the shark, but have also acted as goodwill ambassadors. Throughout the 1950s the team visited places like Berlin and Buenos Aires offering a positive, basketball spinning image of America. Here are five moments in Globetrotter history that are even more incredible than “Curly” Neal’s dribbling skills.

1950- The Globetrotters smash the color barrier

In 1948 the all black Globetrotters took on the all-white Minneapolis Lakers in an exhibition game. Many believed the showboating ‘trotters would be soundly defeated by the professional Lakers and there was also fear of race riots. But what transpired was simply a well-played basketball game. Globetrotter Ermer Robinson won the game with an exciting buzzer shot for a final score of 61-59. In a 1949 rematch the Globetrotters were again victorious over the Lakers and the exciting games led to a change in professional basketball. Globetrotter Nathaniel “Sweetwater” Clifton was the first African American to sign a contract with a NBA team- the Knicks- in 1950.

1968- The Globetrotters play Harlem…for the first time

Despite their namesake, the Harlem Globetrotters called the Chicago area home for decades. They currently have headquarters in Phoenix, Arizona and have never been based in Harlem. The “Harlem” name was added as a bit of show business. Globetrotters manager Abe Saperstein thought it would sound more novel if the team name reflected the center of African American culture and in 1929 he began to tour the Midwest with the “New York Harlem Globetrotters.” It took over four decades before the team’s globetrotting led them to play a 1968 “home” game in Harlem.

1981- The Globetrotters battle robots on Gilligan’s Island

In the 1970s and 80s Trotter-mania hit TV Land. Hanna-Barbera created a cartoon version of the team that teamed up with Scooby Doo and the gang to solve mysteries. They were also given a couple of short lived cartoon shows (Harlem Globetrotters and later The Super Globetrotters) of their own. They made a live action appearance playing a pickup game aboard the Love Boat, and in their most strangely scripted adventure, the team co-starred in the 1981 made-for- \TV movie The Harlem Globetrotters on Gilligan’s Island.

That movie starts with the Globetrotters crash landing and meeting the castaways, who now run an island resort together. A corporate raider wants the island for himself and makes a bet with the castaways that his robots can play better ball than the famous basketball players. Fortunately, the illogical Globetrotter style outwits the robot programming and saves the day.

1995- Kareem Abdul-Jabbar ends 8,829 game winning streak

A common myth is that the Globetrotters are unbeatable and undefeated. Globetrotter losses are few and far between- but they have happened. The Washington Generals have won about six games against the Globetrotters, although this might not be a huge morale boost as they’ve also lost over 13,000 games against them. In 1995 the Globetrotters played basketball legend and former Milwaukee Bucks player Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s All-Star Team in Vienna and lost by six points, their only loss in an 11 game European tour and their first loss in 8,829 games. Their next loss was to Michigan State five years later during a college tour.

2000- Pope John Paul II joins the team

Although he wasn’t known for spinning a basketball on his fingertip, Pope John Paul II became a member of an elite group- the honorary Harlem Globetrotters-in a 2000 ceremony in Vatican City. Induction of an honorary member is rare, only 8 so far, and their assembled line up would be a baffling sight on a basketball court.

Besides the Pope, the other members of the honoree roster are: Henry Kissinger, Bob Hope, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Whoopi Goldberg, Nelson Mandela, Jackie Joyner-Kersee, and Jesse Jackson. Bill Cosby and Magic Johnson also are on the team- they were both signed with one dollar a year lifetime Globetrotter contracts. -Tea Krulos


New Phantom Patriot Video Will Make You Say “WTF” For 33 Minutes

Where to begin? In 2010 I was working on my first book, Heroes in the Night, and maintaining a blog of the same name. One day, I got contacted by a man named Richard McCaslin who had discovered my blog. He told me that in 2002 he had raided a place called the Bohemian Grove in the hopes of freeing slaves bound to be sacrificed by the New World Order in front of a giant statue of an owl. He had done this while dressed in his superhero persona, the Phantom Patriot.

Since that initial e-mail, I have spent countless hours researching conspiracies and corresponding with Richard and people in his life. I’ve met him three times– here in Milwaukee in 2011, again in San Francisco in 2012, and last year in his hometown of Pahrump, Nevada. All of this is leading to a book (working title Phantom Patriot) I’ve been slowly writing. I think it’s the best work I’ve done. I might possibly publish it through a site called Inkshares and have a sample chapter HERE.

Anyway, a focus for Richard the past couple years has been peacefully protesting at political events in Las Vegas and also producing show that stars a fiction version of himself titled Phantom Patriot’s Retro Cinema. He just dropped the latest episode a couple days ago. Extensive notes follow:

Here’s a break down of all conspiracies mentioned in the video and other notes. I’ve rated some of these theories “Deep Dish” which means they are pretty far down the conspiracy rabbit hole, but I should mention that these theories don’t originate with Richard, which means at least a few people think they are valid. I’ve also noted when evidence indicates it’s at least partially a true story. Ready?

0:20: If there’s a familiar sound to this theme song, it’s actually performed by Les Claypool (of Primus). He wrote the song after reading a news report on Richard’s raid. It appeared on his 2006 album Of Whales and Woe. After months and months of asking his publicist for an interview, I finally got a brief phone interview with Les. He was somewhat concerned Richard might show up at one of his concerts to kill him, which put me in the odd position of trying to reassure Les Claypool that a conspiracy theorist wasn’t stalking Primus.

0:27: After his parole, Richard settled in Las Vegas before buying a home in a strange little desert town called Pahrump, in Nevada near the California border. One of the selling points to the house was a large Quonset hut on the property, which he’s transformed into a superhero headquarters. He still goes to Vegas regularly to protest at political events and buy comic books. Scenes in the opening sequence here are shot on the Vegas strip, at his home, and the outskirts of Pahrump.

1:30: This character guarding the Sons of Saturn meeting is comrade Bernie Sanders. More on him later.

1:35: Cameo by the ghost of Ronald Reagan.

1:57: Wall signs: “Novus Ordo Seclorum” appears on the Great Seal of the United States and translates as “new order of the ages.” Democrat party symbol matched with ISIS flag, Republican with Al-Qaeda, suggesting the terrorist groups are in league/ puppets of the political parties. Each symbols are in what appears to be a Star of David. More on that later. “NSA” would be National Security Agency. Not sure what “RUT” means.

2:04: Deep Dish: World Leaders are actually blood-drinking, shape-shifting extraterrestrials known as “Reptilians.” This theory is largely attributed to originate with British conspiracy theory superstar David Icke, who has written several books and frequently lectures on the topic.

2:33: The Emerald Tablets of Thoth the Atlantean. Believed by some to be a mystic translated text from the lost city of Atlantis, non-conspiracy researchers say the script is a hoax and a plagiarism of horror writer H.P. Lovecraft.

3:43: The Reptilian theory states that all U.S. Presidents (as well as many other world leaders) are from the same Reptilian bloodlines and are secretly all part of the same organization. That’s why you have Democratic presidents Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama…

3:52: …at the same table as Pope Francis and George W. Bush…

3:56: …and Trump!

4:24:  Richard loves to clearly label things on his show and in his comics, editorial cartoonist style. Nefilim: The Bible refers to these as fallen angels, aka Reptilians.

5:07: Here we got W doing blow, a message that says the CIA controls the drug trade with the Clinton and Bush family as partners, and then George H.W. Bush shows up and is a pedophile with a mind controlled subject.

Ok! A lot of Richard’s information on this subject comes from a book titled Trance-Formation of America (1995). It was written by a woman named Cathy O’Brien who claims that for many years she was brainwashed by the CIA and used as a sex slave, drug mule, and encoded message delivery person for Gerald Ford, George H.W. Bush, Dick Cheney, the Clintons, Senators, world leaders, and many other politicians, musicians, and her “handler,” a ventroliquist.

Also, the Nazi armband is an allusion that the Bush family (Senator Prescott Bush, H.W.’s father) did business with the Nazis. That is a true story:

5:53: You’ll note George H.W. Bush’s mind control slave is wearing an owl mask (from a Batman storyline about a group called the Court of Owls– more on that later) that is labelled “Bohemian Grove.” Richard still maintains that Bohemian Grove, which he raided in 2002, still features mind controlled sex slaves, some who are sacrificed at the altar of the Great Owl of Bohemia statue on the property.

6:39: This allegation about Cheney is from Trance-Formation of America, not sure where the Biden info would be from.

7:17: Reference to the group’s leader, the “Demiurge.” More on that later.

7:21: “ISIS inspired false flag attack and the Donald’s racist fearmongering.” I’m not sure what ISIS attack he is referring to, probably all of them. “False flag” is a common conspiracy description meaning that it is meant to look like an attack on a country, but was actually engineered by the country itself. Donald’s racist fearmongering…well, that’s certainly a true story.

7:30: Deep Dish: Mass shootings are staged and people pretending to be grieving relatives are “crisis actors.” This theory really makes me upset because it targets grieving people. The theory is that mass shootings like Aurora, Sandy Hook, etc. didn’t actually happen, it was staged to help institute a repeal of the 2nd Amendment and institute martial law…a lot of good– there’s over 300 million guns in America! Anyway, to help “sell” the fake tragedies, the New World Order hires actors to portray grieving spouses, fathers, mothers, friends.

The supposed evidence is people who look similar to each other at different tragedies and people apparently not emoting the correct way. Read an account about a man who helped out at Sandy Hook who ended up getting harassed for being a “crisis actor” by dicks HERE and a victim of the Orlando shooting targeted by complete wankers HERE.

8:12: Great banter here between all guilty parties about who masterminded the 9/11 attacks and the Iran-Contra scandal.

8:31: Operation Mockingbird: the CIA controlling media. Actually, this one is a true story, folks. The CIA had a program in which agents actively tried to control messages going out in media and to discredit enemies. The program was officially terminated in the 1970s, but the relationship between the CIA and the media continued.

9:04: Here is an unflattering spoof on conspiracy superstar Alex Jones and Info Wars. Richard was originally heavily influenced by Jones, and his documentary Dark Secrets Inside Bohemian Grove is what led to Richard’s raid. After he was caught, Jones denounced Richard to the media, saying he was shocked by his behavior.

Richard did not appreciate the comments from Jones and was glad to discover that other conspiracy theorists had worked out that Jones in actuality is an agent provocateur for the government as part of a Counter Intelligence Program style infiltration. Kind of like hipsters who are over a once trendy place, Jones became too popular and his followers turned on him. Also mentioned here is the conspiracy claim that Info Wars is actually owned by cable TV mogul Ted Turner.

Extra Deep Dish: Alex Jones and comedian Bill Hicks (who died in 1994, a year after Jones graduated high school) are the same person. This conspiracy is fucking hilarious!

9:35: Kevin Booth collaborated with Alex Jones on some of his documentaries. The image of Alex Jones is a parody that reflects the “Joker Obama” image, which originated with Jones.

10:00: UN agenda 2030 is about “sustainable development goals” which of course means “a practically undisguised roadmap to global socialism and corporatism/fascism” as one writer puts it. HAARP is one of my favorite conspiracy theories. It suggests that the government has a giant weather controlling facility in Alaska that is responsible for creating natural disasters like tsunamis, hurricanes, and earthquakes. Holy smokes!

10:45: Hellary the Horrible. I bet you were wondering when she’d show up.

11:03: Trump hair joke, classic.

11:46: Planned Parenthood has a number of conspiracy theories associated with them including the one about them  selling fetus tissue/ body parts, and that they are trying to cause the eventual genocide of African Americans.

12:10: I have no idea why Sarah Palin would appear here subservient to Hillary other than to drive home the fact that Republicans and Democrats are in league with each other. And, of course, Palin always adds comedic value in every appearance she makes.

12:22: Deep Dish. Clinton is supposed to be in Africa working with Bill Gates on a vaccine initiative to sterilize people. I hadn’t heard this one before!

12:47: Deep Dish. This is a pretty gross one. It’s transphobic and the type of stuff conspiracy theorists make up when they don’t like women. The “theory” here is that Michelle Obama is secretly transgendered and was born “Michael.” Source: comedienne Joan Rivers.

13:40: Deep Dish (and topical): A pretty recent conspiracy (and one nodded to by Donald Trump) says that Hillary is terminally ill/ dying/ already dead and replaced. Richard is implying here that she will/has been replaced by Teresa Barnwell, a lookalike who has found gigs impersonating Hillary since 1993.

14:30: Quadruple conspiracy!!!! Obama’s hit list shows that he has successfully killed off his enemies: conservative journalist Andrew Breitbart, 81-year-old comedienne Joan Rivers (for outing Michelle Obama as being transgendered, see above),  and 79-year-old conservative Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. Next on his list: term limits, meaning Richard’s prediction is he will server more than 8 years in the Oval Office.

14:47: Feminist/ witch humor. 😦
The Wizard of Oz references in this video might not be coincidence. In Trance-Formation in America, Cathy O’Brien claimed that her mind control mode was often triggered by references to the Wizard of Oz.

14:56: HIGHWAY TO THE DANGER ZONE! Here at last is our hero, the Phantom Patriot!

15:07: Richard’s sidekick G’Nik is an extra-terrestrial. I was a guest star in Episode 2 of this show, where Richard, G’Nik, and I confronted Illuminus at Area 51. I got to see the perimeter of the actual Area 51. I also crashed Richard’s ATV shown in the opening credits trying to do a stunt. Episode 2 is here:

15:39: Rich are told me some therapists might call his works “revenge fantasy” but he prefers to think of it as “art therapy.” Here Richard therapeutically punches George H.W. Bush (who was VP while Richard was in the Marines) in the face!

15:56: “Magog” refers to George H.W. Bush’s membership in Skull & Bones, a Yale fraternity with some spooky ooky rituals. His father Prescott Bush, his son George W. and many other influential politicians and businessmen were members. 2004 saw Kerry and Bush running for president, both former “Bonesmen.” All club members are given spooky ooky nicknames like “Long Devil” and “Odin.” H.W.’s nickname was “Magog.”

16:34: “This one!” Richard’s dream army of decent, pissed off Americans, including a cop, a solider, a nun with a gun, and the guy dressed as a rancher represents Cliven Bundy, the rancher who had a stand-off with the feds, who Richard admires.

18:16: Here Richard is saying all of these politicians deserve to be arrested because they were unfairly elected as the Illuminati chose them from their bloodlines. Also, they’re Reptilians.

18:54: Project Monarch– CIA mind control program described in Trance-Formation of America. There is significance to the victim’s name being Richelle, but you’ll have to read my book for that one as it’s way too much to explain here.

19:35: “Did those lizards make you work for Disney?” My favorite line. Suggesting that the Reptilians own Disney and are employing mind controlled children. This is a true story. Just kidding, I have no idea.

22:21: Revenge fantasy or art therapy 2: Richard gets to punch Alex Jones in the face!

22:36: Bernie bros won’t like this scene at all. Apparently the “Rebels” were assisted by Bern-dog but he can’t get a break as he must be imprisoned because they “can’t let a Socialist con man walk free.” Harsh!

Let’s talk about that Zionist “Rothschild (prominent Jewish banking family) symbol” aka the Star of David. Anti-Semitism (hatred of Jews) and anti-Zionism (against the Israeli state) are not identical, but there is a fine line that you can trip over pretty easily.

23:31: Revenge fantasy or art therapy 3: Reptilians end up in Gitmo fighting over a barbecued rat!

24:42: All just a dream. Classic! Possibly another Wizard of Oz reference.

27:41: The Demiurge (described as a world or universe creator)! So much conspiracy he’s an Eye of Providence AND a Rothschild symbol in one. And he lives on Saturn, a symbol of the New World Order/ Satanist connection. To make a Marvel reference– he is the Thanos of the New World Order.

29:29: Bonus feature: out of the three stories Richard mentions, I think the Court of Owls story is the most interesting. Batman finds a secret society is ruling Gotham City and in their headquarters is a giant statue of an owl. Coincidence? It’s got to be at least partly based on the Bohemian Grove, and maybe Richard’s story.

Hopefully everything is perfectly clear now. Stay tuned to this blog for developments on the Phantom Patriot book.