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Tea’s Weird Week: I Wanna Magnet Fish Those Brothel Keys Out of the Milwaukee River

Back in the wild plague year of 2020, I, like many others, was figuring out what to do with myself. With everything shut down, I tried to think of a hobby that would get me out of the house and into (hopefully COVID-19 free) fresh air. Magnet fishing seemed like a good idea.
Magnet fishing is taking a powerful magnet attached to a long, sturdy rope and throwing it into bodies of water to pull out some of the mass of trash dumped by humanity for generations. Bicycles, radiators, license plates, fishing lures, boat parts, pots and pans, etc. Junk fishing seemed fun, so I bought a magnet and gear and… never did go out and do it. I think one of the hang ups was that I was pretty sure I’d find ditched guns in the Milwaukee waterways and was not quite sure about what to do in that situation.
We’ll get back to this, but let’s switch gears for a minute. Recently, I got a copy of the March issue of Milwaukee Magazine. I always enjoy seeing an article of mine that has made it into print, and this issue I wrote a feature on the career of 95-year-old photographer Tom Ferderbar. As I was flipping through the magazine, I was glad to see Matthew J. Prigge’s byline on an article. Matthew has written a great body of work exploring Milwaukee’s interesting and sometimes violent, macabre, and odd history in articles and books like Milwaukee Mayhem: Murder and Mystery in the Cream City’s First Century.
In Milwaukee Magazine, Prigge’s most recent article is titled “Life on the Line,” which delves into the history of Milwaukee’s red light district in the late 1800s and early 1900s, which was called “The Line.” (The article is only available in print for the time being, I will update with a link when it gets posted online).
Prigge reports that the area of The Line was located on River Street (now Edison Street) spread east of the river “from what is now Highland and Wells Streets and as far east as Market Street.” He also writes that a more working class version of The Line ran across the other side of the river “along Wells Street as far west as 6th Street.”

But here is the key line, how this column all ties together. From Prigge’s article:
“Legend had it that when a new house of prostitution, all-night saloon or gambling den would open on The Line, its operator would toss a key into the Milwaukee River. The ritual was a symbol of their intentions in the area- to hold their doors open, to neither be locked in nor locked away.”
Now do you see? It could just be a “legend,” they might have all been eaten by sturgeon or something, but maybe (just maybe) those keys might still be down there. I will try to find them on some magnet fishing expeditions. Will I be successful? Probably not. But as treasure hunters have asked throughout time…
what if I do?
Please Clap Dept.: If you’re looking for unique, interesting events in the Milwaukee area, please check out my bi-weekly column for the Shepherd Express, “Madcap Milwaukee Calendar.” You can find the most recent column here: https://shepherdexpress.com/culture/madcap-milwaukee-calendar
See also: Another Milwaukee hidden treasure is one buried by Byron Preiss, author of The Secret. I wrote an article on this about a year ago for Atlas Obscura: https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/the-secret-byron-preiss-milwaukee
I can always tell when AO recycles this story on social media, by the way, because I get at least a couple messages from people who claim they’ve cracked the code. My message to them is always the same– dig it up and find it, and then let me know first so I can get the scoop on writing about it!
Tea’s Weird Week: A Big Week for the TWW “Please Clap Dept.”

I don’t know why this moment cracked me up so much, but it sure did. While out campaigning for the presidential nomination in 2016, candidate Jeb Bush faced a less-than-enthusiastic room. After making a point to the sleepy audience, he looked at them and asked them to “please clap.” That was unofficially the end of his campaign and the Bush presidential dynasty.
It’s strange to admit, but in that moment…I kinda felt for him. Well, maybe not him, but the situation he was in. It sometimes feels rough, exhausting, futile, frustrating trying to get attention for things you do. It makes you feel invisible, underrated, like you’re begging the world to notice you. Please clap, dammit— I put a lot of work into this.
At some point in the life of this column, I knew what I would call the little blurb I sometimes add to the end of Tea’s Weird Week to mention things I’ve worked on that are published, recognitions I receive, big media appearances, etc.– the Please Clap Dept. (the “Dept.” part is probably engrained in my brain from Mad Magazine, where they’d call different features “departments.” “Spy vs Spy,” for example was listed as being in their “Joke and Dagger Dept.”
This week, there was a lot of incoming good news for the Please Clap Dept. so I’m going to share these items.
I won two Milwaukee Press Club Excellence in Wisconsin Journalism Awards. These are my 2nd and 3rd MPC awards. It’s an honor– unlike a popularity “Best of” contest, this one is judged by peers at different press clubs around the country. MPC says 2022 was one of the most competitive in their award history– over 900 entries (across all categories). My article “The Last Frame” won in the Short Soft Feature Story category and “Wanna Buy a Famous Tugboat?” got in the Best Soft Feature Story (Online Exclusively). I will find out if these stories won gold, silver, or bronze at an award ceremony in May. But as I said on Facebook, a double bronze would not be seen as sad to me. I will be writing a column looking behind the scenes of these stories and thanking people who helped after the award ceremony. I’ll also be hosting a party at Falcon Bowl (subject of “The Last Frame.”)
I wrote an article for Atlas Obscura. Longtime fan, first time contributor. I wrote an article following local treasure hunters Tom and Molly as they search for a hidden treasure buried somewhere in Milwaukee in the 80s: “Hunting for ‘The Secret’ Treasure Buried in Milwaukee.” This was a great experience from me and I hope it leads to more freelancing with AO. I’ve already gotten a few emails from people on their theories of where the Milwaukee and other Secret treasures in other cities are. I’m telling everyone the same thing– put me on speed dial and if you dig one of those up, let me break the story!

Pull tabs! I also wrote a feature for Milwaukee Magazine on the Wisconsin pastime of playing pull tabs and the interesting story behind the legality of it. You can read the article here: How Are Pull-Tabs Legal in Wisconsin? | Milwaukee Magazine
I also got a chance to stop by the WUWM studios to discuss the article with Joy Powers on Lake Effect. You can hear that segment here: The history and legality behind Pull-Tabs in Wisconsin tavern culture | WUWM 89.7 FM – Milwaukee’s NPR

Please clap. Thank you.
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My latest books are:
Brady Street Pharmacy: Stories and Sketches (2021, VA Press)
American Madness: The Story of the Phantom Patriot and How Conspiracy Theories Hijacked American Consciousness (2020, Feral House)

