Prepper Classified Ad Poem

The Milwaukee book release event for my book Apocalypse Any Day Now is happening this Friday (April 12, 7pm) at Woodland Pattern Book Center! The beautiful Woodland Pattern is more famous for being the heart center of poetry in Milwaukee than it is for books practicing doomsday scenarios.

To celebrate my appearance there, I took a couple of classified ads I found while working on my book and reworked them into a poem. Kind of a found object art, I suppose.



Prepper Classified Ad

Drama…save it for someone else, not our thing

We are not a typical militia

We are preppers as well

We also are a family and a community orientated militia

We have that bug out location if y’all don’t have one

We have a well that is never ending.

We ask that if y’all come, bring as much


medical supplies

i.e. pain killers




bring ammo and guns

The two people in charge are former military

We can and have the will power to protect you

I won’t mince words

I can not guarantee that you will be running around in a silk robe in a 20 story community with a shopping mall and a swimming pool on every floor…

You won’t.

Bring your chickens, your critters, your children

I offer protection

I offer the country

the camaraderie

the combined resources


Apocalypse Any Day Now: Deep Underground With America’s Doomsday Preppers is available now wherever books are sold and online at:

Tea is appearing at Woodland Pattern Book Center this Friday at 7pm, with an after party at Landmark Lanes at 9. For more upcoming appearances (including West Bend, Madison, Wisconsin Rapids, and Chicago) click here:

About teakrulos

Freelance writer from Milwaukee, I'm the author of non-fiction books Heroes in the Night, Monster Hunters, Apocalypse Any Day Now and forthcoming Wisconsin Legends & Lore and American Madness. I write a weekly column called "Tea's Weird Week" at

Posted on April 8, 2019, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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